Make it Worse Why Don’t You

Make it Worse Why Don’t You

By Jess Adams

Maybe you’re a dancer who put your toes on the floor and fractured your foot.  Maybe you’re an athlete who tripped over your own feet and gave yourself a concussion.  Maybe you slept wrong and woke up immobile.  Maybe you’ve done all of these things like me (impressive, I know).  Whatever it may be, you know what it feels like to deal with an injury.  Perhaps you know the fight with your mind.  Your thoughts can hurt more than the physical pain.  Well, here’s how to make it worse for yourself while you’re waiting to heal.  Enjoy!

giphy hurt yourself

Keep asking yourself why it happened and attempt to find an answer.  Karma’s a bitch.  You probably deserved the injury for a past mistake you made or for laughing at someone who tripped and fell once.  This is a sign that you haven’t been a very good person, so not being able to do what you love is your punishment.  You need to be nicer to everyone especially the creepy people you normally avoid making eye contact.  You need to care about everyone else except yourself.


Torture yourself by watching other people do what you can’t do.  Sit out of dance class or lacrosse practice and look at all the people having a blast.  Think about how you can’t do any of it.  Think about how with each second you sit there taking notes, you’re missing out.  You’re going to be super behind when or if you heal.  Think about how you are lazy, chucky, and useless.  Think about how much everyone else is growing and improving and you’re doing the opposite.  Think about how you’ve become a terrible person with your jealousy and negativity.

Go on a diet, majorly restrict what you eat, count your calories, and be sure to weigh yourself every morning and night because while your injured you’re getting fatter.  Remind yourself that you aren’t burning calories like usual.  You’re probably going to gain weight and come back in bad shape.  You can’t work-out which means you can’t have that second serving or eat that cookie.  Tell yourself you looked a little chubby when you were active and now you need to work harder not to get chubbier.  You should probably skip breakfast too and deprive yourself of the most important meal of the day.  Then when you’re hungry after only eating saltine crackers binge eat until you’re sick to your stomach and sick of yourself.

You are a burden to the people you love and the random strangers who feel obligated to hold the door for you if you’re on crutches or something.  When they reach out and ask you how you are, tell them you’re great, keep eye contact, and smile.  Don’t annoy them with your complaints about your chafed, bruising armpits.  Don’t cry to them and make them feel obligated to comfort you.  They might give you a hug you, and you can’t have that.  Besides, they don’t deserve to deal with your crap.  Deal with it on your own.  Since your problems are too much of a burden to share, listen to your friends’ problems.  Try to help them.  Ignore your feelings of pain, hunger, annoyance, depression, anger and pretend like you aren’t injured.  Try to feel nothing at all.

If you can’t avoid your feelings then avoid the people who you normally expose them to.  That’s right folks, don’t even attempt to grab food withyour friends.  First of all, you’ll be tempted to eat the ice cream they’re eating (remember you can’t work it off!).  You’ll also be tempted to say something depressing and ruin the good time they’re having.  Remember that you’re injured and shouldn’t be having fun.  That’s time you should be using to heal.  Just avoid being with your friends altogether.  You can say hi to them but act normal, be cool, don’t cry.are you crying no

Avoid calling your mom.  She already worries too much.  Don’t make her feel like she has to visit you and take care of you.  If you don’t have anything positive to say (you probably won’t) don’t say anything at all.  Avoid texting or posting on social media unless you’re throwing yourself a pity party.  Those are a blast.  Also, don’t bother your teachers by asking for help because they’re already annoyed with the inconvenience of your injury and your lack of focus in class.  You know what, just isolate yourself completely and you’ll have no choice but to be trapped with someone you’ll start to hate if you didn’t hate yourself already.

Instead of doing all the things you normally love to do, why don’t you sit in bed and think about all the ways you could have prevented your injury.  Make a list.  Type, print, and laminate it so you can carry it with you wherever you go and read repeatedly.  It’s your fault you got injured anyway.  Only a weak and vulnerable person would get hurt like you did.  Tisk tisk.  You should have known better.  You should have prevented all this from happening.  But you didn’t.  Now you must suffer the consequences like going over that list and losing sleep.

If you haven’t turned yourself into a zombie yet, you’re not doing it right.  Keep trying. Better yet, let self-doubt really sink in.  Deflate all ambitions.  Begin to think that your goals for the future aren’t possible because you’re not even strong enough to get through an injury.  The best advice for dealing with an injury is this:  Don’t feel anything and you’ll be good.  Ignore the pain as if it weren’t there.  But most importantly, don’t get hurt :]

modern fairytale


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